Daniel Kalinaki's weblog

A commentary on news and events in Uganda and elsewhere


Just an ordinary bloke.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Was Kony born to be wild?

A lot of stuff has been said about LRA rebel leader Joseph Kony. He has been accused of rape, murder, abduction, defilement, forceful surgery on unwilling victims, etc., but he has never been accused of having a sense of humour.

Until now.

What else can you make of this picture, which ran on the cover of the Daily Monitor on July 5, of the rebel leader, in his 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' pose, wearing a T-shirt with the words 'Born to be wild'?

Let us narrow the possibilities. One, unbelievably, is that Kony has either a sense of humour or irony, or both, and selected the T-shirt himself in a second-hand clothes market in Juba.

Two, that the rebel leader is totally clueless or too busy with matters of life and death to wonder what the words on the T are, in which case he is like those unknowing souls (God bless their innocent souls) who proudly walk around with Tees that have phrases like; 'New York City Mortuary Attendant'.

Still in the papers, there is a story about Government plans to install alarms in resettlement homes to fight insecurity, according to the good commander of the land forces, Lt. Gen. Katumba Wamala.

Unless we have devised new, solar powered alarms, I don't know how this will work in an area that largely has no electricity. But let us imagine, somehow, that the things are installed, and that a few remnants attack a home. Excerpts follow.

Resident: Hello, is that the police/army/whatever the case maybe?
Officer: Yes, go ahead, over!
Resident: We are being attacked by rebels.
Officer: Declare your location, over!
Resident: Kacoke Madit resettlement home
Officer: How do we get there, over!
Resident: You walk towards Gulu town until you find an anthill that is near a mango tree. You might see some small boys playing there. Then you turn left and go until you find some old women arguing over a land boundary....
Officer: We don't have fuel
Resident: But officer, we will surely die if you don't come
Officer: You mean they are armed?
Resident: They have machetes, Ak-47s....
Officer: Beep...beep...beep...(phone hang up)
Resident: Hullo? Hullo?
(Sound of gunfire, machetes, wails, etc)
Rebel leader: Shut up! Don't you know we were born to be wild?

End credits...


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